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By putting this here, instead of on Facebook, where my father would read it.
I already knew you stuggled with internalized racism - you told me when I was freaking 7 you were trying to overcome it. I already knew that you want religious law codified into the laws of the US. I already knew that you felt that me marrying the woman I love (eventually, hopefully) was wrong, though your support of a VP who literally advocates electrocuting people until they act straight is a whole new level of horror I didn't think I'd ever have to deal with. But I would like specifically here to call you out on the one thing I thought I could trust, the one area you were a dependable ally for me.
You yelled - yelled at me for being scared of a nation that would elect a man with Trump's attitudes toward women to our highest office. I've been stewing ever since, so maybe calling you out here, even if I do not have the guts to say this to your face, will help me be civil to you going forward.
I will continue to be scared as a woman, especially a lesbian, in Donald Trump's America. You argue that he's just a boaster, that "Grab them by the pussy" was just boasting locker-room talk, and we shouldn't be scared of the man who said it, or the straight men who voted for the man who said it? Locker-room talk is what men's atttitudes ARE - and you just told me that you think that kind of talk is OK. If someone said "Grab Rivka by the pussy", you'd be angry that they said that about your daughter. If someone said that about my sister or my mother, you would verge on violent. But you think it's OK, nonetheless, for him to say it about my friends - not about me, he'd just call me "an uggo" and "a pig". Should I need to rely on being fat to feel safe from sexual assault? or on belonging, in some way, to some man? Apparently, you think I should. You think it's OK to turn women into objects unless they're your women, and I will never trust you to keep anyone safe from assault again. I will never trust, as I have for most of my life, that you actually believe in equality. You have broken my trust in you, and you cannot repair it. You are now one of the men I cannot commend to my friends as an ally or a safe haven.
Fuck you for that. Fuck you for not being the man you have always promised you were, for being one of the men I cannot discount as a silent assenter to date rape, marital rape, threat rape, domestic violence or random lower-level sexual assaults. For being a man I can no longer say with confidence would never in his life have done any of those things. Fuck you for promising me that I could one day walk the streets safely after dark and then working against it because you don't see people when you look at women you don't know.
And fuck you for deceiving me for 37 years into thinking I could rely on you in this one area, at least.
You are not my friend, you are not my champion, and you are not - and have never really been - my ally.