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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in rivkaesque's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, June 26th, 2018
12:09 pm
GREAT video!
I am on a pretty strong FB hiatus - but I love this video so much I'm considering ducking on just long enough to post.

Scroll to the bottom for the video.
Tuesday, April 3rd, 2018
11:56 am
I am such a loser
I am still not ready to go back on FB , but what with probably leaving my job soon, I need this song in my life:
Monday, August 14th, 2017
10:24 am
On the subject of silence
I am posting this to multiple locations, and asking people to call me out if they see me backsliding.

As has been so eloquently pointed out, "shtika k'hodaah", or in modern non-Jewish terms, "your silence is your complicity". I will not be silent. White supremacy, the "alt-right", Naziism, call it what you will - it is abhorrent, disgusting, and any other adjective that means completely unacceptable.
I am privileged in many, many ways, and I have let my privilege, fear, and private stresses keep me silent. For that, I apologize deeply. I have let the sheer influx of horrible fatigue me to the point of not even commenting. For that, I apologize sincerely.
You horrible people do not, and never will, speak for me.
I must do better. I commit to doing better. I will not shame any of my beloved grandmothers by remaining silent in the face of hate. I will not shame any of my beloved grandfathers by permitting ignorance to rule unchallenged.
Thursday, February 2nd, 2017
5:41 pm
Well, my last post didn't work.
My father came out against the Equal Rights Amendment, and it was the last straw in a long, long line of straws. I have unfriended and blocked him on FB. I can't take his poison in my life, and he has proven time and again that any evidence I bring will be dismissed and that if I question his evidence he will guilt trip me. I'm done with him. I just hope I can remain cordial enough with him to keep seeing my mother and grandparents.
Monday, November 14th, 2016
1:50 pm
I'm being a coward

By putting this here, instead of on Facebook, where my father would read it.

I already knew you stuggled with internalized racism - you told me when I was freaking 7 you were trying to overcome it. I already knew that you want religious law codified into the laws of the US. I already knew that you felt that me marrying the woman I love (eventually, hopefully) was wrong, though your support of a VP who literally advocates electrocuting people until they act straight is a whole new level of horror I didn't think I'd ever have to deal with. But I would like specifically here to call you out on the one thing I thought I could trust, the one area you were a dependable ally for me.

You yelled - yelled at me for being scared of a nation that would elect a man with Trump's attitudes toward women to our highest office. I've been stewing ever since, so maybe calling you out here, even if I do not have the guts to say this to your face, will help me be civil to you going forward.

I will continue to be scared as a woman, especially a lesbian, in Donald Trump's America. You argue that he's just a boaster, that  "Grab them by the pussy"  was just boasting locker-room talk, and we shouldn't be scared of the man who said it, or the straight men who voted for the man who said it? Locker-room talk is what men's atttitudes ARE - and you just told me that you think that kind of talk is OK. If someone said "Grab Rivka by the pussy", you'd be angry that they said that about your daughter. If someone said that about my sister or my mother, you would verge on violent. But you think it's OK, nonetheless, for him to say it about my friends - not about me, he'd just call me "an uggo" and "a pig". Should I need to rely on being fat to feel safe from sexual assault? or on belonging, in some way, to some man? Apparently, you think I should. You think it's OK to turn women into objects unless they're your women, and I will never trust you to keep anyone safe from assault again. I will never trust, as I have for most of my life, that you actually believe in equality. You have broken my trust in you, and you cannot repair it. You are now one of the men I cannot commend to my friends as an ally or a safe haven.

Fuck you for that. Fuck you for not being the man you have always promised you were, for being one of the men I cannot discount as a silent assenter to date rape, marital rape, threat rape, domestic violence or random lower-level sexual assaults. For being a man I can no longer say with confidence would never in his life have done any of those things. Fuck you for promising me that I could one day walk the streets safely after dark and then working against it because you don't see people when you look at women you don't know.

And fuck you for deceiving me for 37 years into thinking I could rely on you in this one area, at least.

You are not my friend, you are not my champion, and you are not - and have never really been - my ally.

Friday, September 23rd, 2016
10:14 am
This week's dinner
So, last week's breakfast didn't happen.

-Celery Root Mash
--cubed celery root
--chicken broth
--:::put celery root on bottom of crockpot and pour in broth until root cubes are halfway covered. cook on low for 7 hours. Mash with milk and butter
-Slow-Roasted Cornish Hen with Sage and Onion Butter Sauce
--cornish hen
--fresh sage
--celery leaves
--garlic juice
--Sage and onion butter sauce
---:::melt butter and whisk in flour to form a very thin white roux. mince onion and sage and add to butter. Let poach in double boiler over medium heat until onions are soften. Blend together.
--:::salt and pepper hen inside and out. mince onion, sage, and celery leaves and place in hen's cavity.  spritz expterior of hen with garlic juice. Put on top of celery root (above) and cook on low for 7 hours. Extract major cuts and put on platter, drizzle with newly blended butter sauce. Serve immediately
-Roasted Brussels Sprouts
--brussels sprouts
--:::halve brussels sprouts and toss with oil and spices. roast at 400 until browned
-Blackberry pavlova
--meringue nest
---egg whites
---confectioners sugar
---:::whip egg whites until foamy. add vanilla and whip until soft peaks form. Add sugar slowly while whipping until stiff peaks form. Pipe onto silpat in nest shapes. Place in 400 degree oven, lower to 250 at once, and let cook until set. Cool
--macerated blackberries
---red vinegar
---fresh sage
---:::ribbon fresh sage and mix with vinegar and honey. mix with blackberries and let sit 30 minutes. Drain and refrigerate
--:::just before serving, place blackberries into cooled nests. Garnish with fresh sage.
Friday, September 16th, 2016
10:37 am
This week's dinner - very '50s
-Stuffed mini peppers
--mini sweet peppers
--minced lion's mane mushrooms
--mince chives
--grated cheese
--oat bran
--whisked egg
--:::slice mini peppers in half. mix all other ingredients to form stiff stuffing. load into pepper halves and sprinkle with more grated cheese. Bake until solid.
-Pot Roast
--rump roast
--blatantly gahaarlic salt mix (from Auntie Arwen's line of spice mixes)
--::mix flour and spices pat firmly onto roast. place in crockpot on slight elevation made of tinfoil or veg and add 1/2 cup broth. Cook on low 8 hours.
-Steamed Artichokes with fresh butter
--:::cut artichokes in half, trim, and remove chokes. steam until you cannot lift by the leaves because they come off. mix salt into cream and churn until butter.
-broth bread
--:::proof yeast in water. mix into flour and add savory. knead, adding broth as necessary, until smooth and springy. Let rise until double in size, paint with milk, and bake until it sounds hollow when tapped.
-Balsamic Ginger Cheesecake Mousse
--fresh grated ginger
--cream cheese
--balsamic nectar
--:::cream cream cheese, and sugar. whip cream with vanilla and grated ginger until peaks form. mix together and refrigerate. Serve cold with balsamic vinegar or chocolate shavings as  garnish.

-Coddled Eggs
--:::grease coddlers and break eggs into them. add minced chives, splash cream, and pepper. close coddlers and boil until soft-set.
-Cheesy Oat Bran
--oat bran
--:::mix together in small crockpot. cook overnight on warm.
-Pepper slaw
--mini sweet peppers
--very little oil
--:::julienne de-seeded mini peppers. mix all ingredients and let marinate overnight.
Friday, September 9th, 2016
10:08 am
This week's dinner
Last week, I wound up using my premade roasted garlic pasta instead of the herbs de provence fresh pasta since my roller broke. I was going to go with a South American theme for tonight, but I've decided to go French instead.

-Pates de Provence, AKA Fresh Herbs de Provence pasta (dough left over from last week, since my roller broke.)
--3 egg yolks
--2 eggs
--Herbs de province oil
--:::knead together until firm but not stiff. run through pasta extruder and boil in oiled and salted water
-Coeur de Boeuf AKA Beef Heart
--Fresh cracked pepper
--Beef heart
--:::sprinkle steak with salt and pepper. grill until rare. Let rest 30 seconds. Slice and serve with lovage sauce
-Sauce Liveche AKA lovage sauce
--lovage leaves (fresh from my grandfather's garden)
--3-4 shiso leaves
--half a bunch of parsley
--2-3 spritzes garlic juice
--oil as needed, as little as possible.
--:::blend greens until slightly chunky but at the liquidity level of a good primavera sauce. add oil only if and how needed
-Radis Grilles AKA roasted radishes
--french breakfast radishes (may sub out standard cherry belles)
--Herbs de provence oil
--garlic juice 9maybe)
--:::toss washed radishes in oil and salt. Roast at 400 for 20 minutes

Dessert (two possibilities)
--Whipped Cream
---:::whip together until thick
--Grated chocolate
--:spoon whipped cream into bowl. grate chocolate over top
-Chocolate Souffle (need to make batter at lunch)
--chocolate chips
--egg yolks
--powdered sugar
--cocoa powder
--egg whites
--vanilla extract
--lime juice
:::melt chocolate with liqueur. beat egg yolks with sugar until fluffy. slowly incorporate beaten egg yolks and melted chocolate. Whip egg whites with lime juice until soft peaks form. Add powdered sugar and cacao pwder. whip until stiff peaks form. Fold into chcolate mixture. Grease ramekins and dust with cocoa powder, then  add batter to ramekins. Freeze batter for  3 hours. Bake at 400 degrees for 15 minutes. Serve right away.

--leftover heart
--grated cheddar
--matzah farfel
--:::dice onion and heart very small. Sautee in ghee with salt. beat eggs with a bout a half teaspoon of cream for every 2 eggs. ribbon the watercress and lovage and  mix with sauteed mixture, eggs, and cheddar. place matzah farfel at bottom of greased baking dish and pour egg mixture over it. Bake at 350 until set.
-Radish leaf salad
--radish leaves
--diced mushrooms
--:::toss together
Friday, September 2nd, 2016
10:33 am
This week's dinner
This week will be relatively minor in terms of prep this evening due to doing some prep last night, but I may be doing breakfast as well. If I am, I may prep  ingredients just before bed for the pancakes and wilted greens.

-caviar toast points (I'm having salt cravings. With my low blood pressure issues, it's not wise to ignore those.)
--Melba toast
--Clotted cream
--:::(still need to buy all ingredients at TJs - scheduled for over lunch. Will probalby be about 5 bucks) Spread clotted cream on toast. top with caviar
-Fresh Herbs de Provence pasta (currently hydrating in fridge)
--3 egg yolks
--2 eggs
--Herbs de province oil
--:::knead together until firm but not stiff. Roll out. cut into strips. Boil briefly.
-Avocado Basil Sauce
--1 ripe avocado
--1 bunch fresh basil
--.5 tsp lime juice
--1 tbl cream
--1 tsp Herbs de Provence oil
--:::blend together and toss with pasta
-Flatiron Steak Au Thym
--Dried thyme
--Fresh cracked pepper
--Flatiron steak
--:::crust steak in spice mixture. grill 1 minute each side. Let rest 30 seconds. Slice and serve over sauced pasta
-Cranberry Meringue Upside-down cake
--Meringue base (currently on second bake)
---egg whites
---powdered sugar
---lime extract
---:::whip together until shiny and stiff peaks form. Bake at 400 for 10 minutes. turn off oven and go to bed. Bake at 180 for 4 hours.
--Cranberry curd (chilling in fridge)
---Cranbery juice concentrate
---ginger powder
---3 egg yolks
---1 egg
---1.5 sticks store-bought butter
---:::simmer together, whisking every minute, until it gels when dropped onto a cold surface. Jar.
--Chocolate Chip Egg-white Cake (baked and on counter)
---egg whites
---powdered sugar
---lime juice
---mini chocolate chips
---:::mix until at cake batter consistency. Bake at 400 for 10 minutes.
:::spoon curd onto meringue base. Top with cake. Serve.

-oat bran pancakes
--oat bran flour
--1 egg
--1/2 cup milk
--pinch salt
--1 tsp baking soda
--2 tsp cream of tartar
:::whisk ingredients together to form a thick batter. heat frying pan to sizzle point. grease. pour in spoonfulls of batter. flip when nearly solid, let sit 10 seconds, and serve.
-Coddled Eggs
--2 eggs, yolks unbroken
--tbl cream
--grated cheese (one of the samples from fridge)
:::Grease coddlers.Pour all ingredients into coddlers and close coddlers tightly. Place in boiling water for 3 minutes. Serve with toast.
-Wilted Greens
--2 cups tender green (spinach?)
--1/2 onion, chopped
:::sweat onions in schmaltz until translucent. Toss greens in pan until just wilted. Serve immediately.
-honey and this week's butter for pancakes.
9:43 am
Last week's dinner:
Man, I am getting sloppy about logging these!

So, the 19th there was no meal that I prepared - I was in Denver for my father's birthday, and Kerry was in Boise.

Last week I was unwell  (pain on nausea-inducing levels from a headache. that hasn't happened in quite a while), so I did a really easy dinner with no dessert.
-Cheddar Tomato Bread
--shredded cheddar
--tomato bread dough from pre-made freezer stash
:::knead shreadded cheese into dough. Let rise. Top with cheese and bake.
--TJ's Cioppino
--Sprouts seafood mix
--about 3 oz squid "flowers" from H-mart
--primavera sauce from pre-made freezer stash
:::simmer together

That's it. The cheddar bread worked really well, and the lovage was brought out and lost a lot of its bitterness, as it usually does in the presence of animal fat, so iImay do something like that again. I also need to remember that adding water-based ingredients shortly before rising and baking can give wonderful lift.
Friday, August 12th, 2016
9:47 am
This week's meals with Kerry:
Last week's main was a flop, as I put in insufficient salt. We went to a restaurant instead.  On the other hand, adding fresh mint to cookie dough does some awesome things - three days later, they still tasted of fresh mint. I'm going to try it with other fresh herbs.

This week:
-Caprese bruschetta
--bread (the tomato garlic dough I keep on hand)
--fresh basil
--storebought fresh mozzarella (no time to make it myself)
--cherry tomatoes
:::bake bread, slice, and toast 4 slices. slice tomatoes and mozzarella , layer with basil on bread slices. heat just long enough to melt mozzarella
-Grilled trout
--2 small trout
--tomatillos (will have to go out for these. May need to sub limes or lemongrass)
:::rub trout inside and out with oil, sprinkle on s&P, stuff with tomatillos and thyme. Grill until skin is crispy and flakes well
-Baked mashed plantains (new method) [[[did not happen -  not mashable]]]
--2 plantains
:::slit plantains. Bake at 350 until tende. mash with milk.
-Sunflower greens salad [[[wound up skipping the tomatoes]]]
--sunflower greens
--halved cherry tomatoes
-Mini strawberry pavlova [[[HUGE hit]]]
--meringue nests (hope this works! I may have trouble getting them to come out whole)
---egg whites
---cream of tartar
---powdered sugar
---rose water
---almond extract
--:::whip egg whites until frothy. add cream of tartar. whip further until soft peaks form. add rose water and almond extract. whip, slowly adding sugar, until stiff and dry. pipe into nest shapes and bake as 185 until crispy.
--macerated strawberries
---strawberries, diced
---tiny bit vanilla torani
---galagal powder
--::: mix together and let sit for 30 minutes
:::spoon macerated strawberries into meringue nests

-Matzah Brie
--left over broken shmurah matzah
--fresh basil
--fresh dill
--fresh chives
:::mince fresh spices, grind dry spices. Crack eggs into bowl containing both and whisk with milk and salt. Break matzoh up into maztoh farfel and mix into egg mixture. Let sit 5 minutes. Fry until eggs are done
-Roasted Plantains
--left over baked plantains
:::cut plantains, toss with oil & S&P. roast.
-Cherry tomatoes
-Macerated Strawberries
:::left over from last night
Friday, August 5th, 2016
11:17 am
This week's dinner
This will have to be an on-the-go type dinner, as I have absolutely no desire to stick around for the Ironman craziness, so tonight will be a flying pickup without, really, time to sit down and have a meal.

-Tongue Rolls
--Package lamb's tongues
--greens (will have to see what's good at Alfalfa's)
--Auntie Arwen's Blatantly Gahaaarlic Salt
--Tomato bread dough
:::prep lamb's tongues using spice mix, knead well-ground cumin into bread dough. Wrap tongues greens and then in dough, bake until hollow-sounding
-Chocolate chip cookies
--chocolate chips
--other spices as the mood strikes me.
11:10 am
Whups - last week's dinner.
I seem to be slacking off on these. Ah, well.

OK - No appetizer as work ran over
-Heart steaks
--Trimmed, sliced heart
:::grill at max temp until rare.
-German Red Cabbage
--Small head purple cabbage
--apple cider vinegar (about 1/8th of the cabbage volume)
--half a small pear
--2 small shallots
--two teaspoons homemade butter
--pinch sugar
--pinch salt
:::melt onions in butter, add rest of ingredients, simmer until tender.
-Roasted Brussels Sprouts
--2 cups fresh brussel sprout halves
--grapeseed oil
--ground cumin
:::toss together, bake at 350 until tender
-Corn on the cob
:::Shuck and grill
--fresh butter
-Chocolate Shoofly Pie: NOTE: WAY too much pie filling - next time, cut amounts in half
--Storebought crust, pre-baked the night before (I know, I know, but I only had about an hour to get all this done)
--mini chocolate chips
----brown sugar
--baking soda dissolved in hot water
--beaten egg
:::cover bottom of pie crust with chocolate chips, combine 2/3 crumbbs and other filling ingredients and pour into pie, top with remaining crumbs. Bake at 350 until set.
Wednesday, July 20th, 2016
10:10 pm
Two weeks without making dinner (pouts)
So, last week I burned my hand, and wasn't fit to cook.

this week, I shall be in Denver for Girl's night.

I had better get to make my love food next week or I don't know what I'll do.
Friday, July 8th, 2016
1:11 pm
Tonight's dinner
As I am low on spoons, this will be a simple dinner.

-Teapot soup
--4 shrimp
--4 small squid
--1 oz each bay scallops, halibut, swordfish, and red trout
--1/2 small zucchini
--1/2 to 1 cup shredded daikon
--1 head baby bok choy
--4-5 dried porcini slices
--4-5 dried shiitake mushrooms
--1/2 cup clam juice
--box of seafood stock
--1 small onion from Kerry's garden
--1 garlic scape from Grandpa's garden
--packet hon-dashi

-Rose Angelfood cake
--3 egg whites
--1/3 cup flour
--1/3 cup sugar
--pinch salt
--pinch cream of tartar
--dash ground cardamom
--1/8 cup rose water
-Avocado frosting
--1/2 small avocado
--dash vanilla or almond extract
--powdered sugar to taste
10:20 am
Last Friday's dinner
Well, it was very last-minute and off the cuff, so here is what was actually made

-Bacon Stuffed Dates
--half slice of bacon
--10 dates

-Arugula and Pear Salad
--Arugula from Kerry's garden
--1 bosc pear
-Oat Casserole
--1.33 cup oat groats
--1 cup frozen asparagus
--porcini mushroom powder
--2 garlic scapes
--half slice bacon
-Mushroom Stuffed Cornish Hen
--1/4 cup chopped enoki mushrooms
--1/2 cup maitake mushrooms
--1 egg
--1 garlic scape
--1 cornish game hen
--1 slice bacon (under the skin)

-Chilled Lime Saffron Mousse
--1 small avocado
--1.5 tsp lime extract
--1.66 tsp saffron
--sugar to taste
Monday, June 20th, 2016
10:19 am
Last Friday's food
The menu had been as follows, but got abbreviated due to time issues

-Mini eggplant casserole
--oat bran (omitted for time)
--tiny eggplants
--fresh mozzerella

-Baby collard greens
--baby collard greens
--baby cippolini onions
--smoked ham hocks
--hot sauce
-baked plantains
--green plantains
--grapeseed oilt
-andouille sausages (omitted for time)

-fruit salad
--green grapes
--balsamic nectar
--whipped avocado 'sour cream' (omitted for time)
---powdered milk
Friday, June 10th, 2016
1:13 pm
Weekly food post
I took me ages to get an idea for this week; but then, I've been lethargic on the cooking all week. As it is, this is all stuff that can easily be kept for later or made on 15-30 minutes notice, since the schedule is uncertain.

OK, here goes.

-Baked Mushrooms with Cheese Crust
--King Trumpet mushrooms
--provolone and gouda cheese, grated fine
--roasted garlic juice
-Grilled beef pinwheels
--breakfast steak
--provolone slices
--lovage leaves (I have SUCH an overubundance of these)
--fresh savory and thyme, minced fine
--mustard seed/coriander seed/salt spice mix, fresh ground in mortar
-Baked Yucca Fries
--1 lb yucca
--grapeseed oil
-Mini Pepper Slaw
--Mini sweet peppers
--cumin/mustard seed mix, fresh ground in mortar
--lovage stalk, minced fine
--fresh thyme
Scones with fresh sweet cream butter
--baking powder
--butter (since I don't have time to make and chill the butter for the dough, this will involve going out and getting butter over lunch)
--spices (currently undecided)
--fresh homemade butter
Monday, June 6th, 2016
4:05 pm
Last Friday's dinner
Forgot to post this last Friday due to an emotionally fraught day

Dinner - I aimed for comfort food
No Appetizer
-Hanger steak
--Hanger steak
--Mini bell peppers
--(Some of my standard soy/fish sauce vinaigrette -optional)
--[Did NOT work; wound up using pre-made spaeztle]
--1 cup spaeztle
--1 tsp fresh butter
-Peach/blueberry crisp
--fresh peaches
--ginger (fresh, grated)
--frozen blueberries
--crumble dough
---1/4 cup fresh butter
---1/4 cup flour
---1/8 cup sugar
---1/2 cup rolled oats
---2 tsp pre-ground cinnamon

Breakfast was had out because the bacon was frozen

Dinner Saturday:
-Beyond Burger meatballs
--2 Beyond Burger patties
--1 egg
--1/3 cup bread crumbs
--a few dashes of Worcestershire sauce
--Mini bell peppers
--(Some of my standard soy/fish sauce vinaigrette -optional)
--1/2 cup spaeztle
--1/2 tsp fresh butter

Breakfast sunday:
-Beyond Burgers (these smoked to high heaven
--2 beyond burger patties
-Thick cut bacon
--1-inch thick cuts of bacon
-Chocolate stuffed strawberries
--homemade chocolate cheese
---1 cup cream
---1 tbsp cocoa powder
---2 tsp sugar
---1 packet yogurt starter
---a few gratings of fresh ginger
Friday, May 20th, 2016
9:12 am
Weekly dinner/breakfast post
Analysis of last week:
The coconut cream creme anglais was a tremendous failure. I used concentrated coconut cream, which I suspect was the biggest problem.

The seared broccolini didn't happen - there was already enough on that plate.
The crab didn't work well.

Breakfast was had out as I didn't feel like cooking.

Plan for this week:
-Seared crusted scallops
--4 sea scallops
--crumbled dried shiso
--dashi powder
Main dish:
-Grilled salmon
--12 oz salmon
--roasted garlic juice
--shiso hollandaise sauce (if I feel up to it)
---2 egg yolks
---1/4 cup butter
---1 tbl lime juice
---1 tbl crumbled dried shiso
---1/2 tsp chinese mustard
---pinch salt
-spice rice
--brown rice
--soy sauce
--ginger powder. Might do galangal instead, or even chinese mustard.
--wimping out and using a bagged mix
-Chilled melon/berry soup with cardamom sour cream
--1 mini watermelon
--a few handfuls blueberries
--1 cup heavy cream
--2 tbsp powdered sugar
--2 tsp cardamom powder

N/A - we will be in Denver
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