On the subject of silence

I am posting this to multiple locations, and asking people to call me out if they see me backsliding.

As has been so eloquently pointed out, "shtika k'hodaah", or in modern non-Jewish terms, "your silence is your complicity". I will not be silent. White supremacy, the "alt-right", Naziism, call it what you will - it is abhorrent, disgusting, and any other adjective that means completely unacceptable.
I am privileged in many, many ways, and I have let my privilege, fear, and private stresses keep me silent. For that, I apologize deeply. I have let the sheer influx of horrible fatigue me to the point of not even commenting. For that, I apologize sincerely.
You horrible people do not, and never will, speak for me.
I must do better. I commit to doing better. I will not shame any of my beloved grandmothers by remaining silent in the face of hate. I will not shame any of my beloved grandfathers by permitting ignorance to rule unchallenged.

Well, my last post didn't work.

My father came out against the Equal Rights Amendment, and it was the last straw in a long, long line of straws. I have unfriended and blocked him on FB. I can't take his poison in my life, and he has proven time and again that any evidence I bring will be dismissed and that if I question his evidence he will guilt trip me. I'm done with him. I just hope I can remain cordial enough with him to keep seeing my mother and grandparents.

I'm being a coward

By putting this here, instead of on Facebook, where my father would read it.

I already knew you stuggled with internalized racism - you told me when I was freaking 7 you were trying to overcome it. I already knew that you want religious law codified into the laws of the US. I already knew that you felt that me marrying the woman I love (eventually, hopefully) was wrong, though your support of a VP who literally advocates electrocuting people until they act straight is a whole new level of horror I didn't think I'd ever have to deal with. But I would like specifically here to call you out on the one thing I thought I could trust, the one area you were a dependable ally for me.

You yelled - yelled at me for being scared of a nation that would elect a man with Trump's attitudes toward women to our highest office. I've been stewing ever since, so maybe calling you out here, even if I do not have the guts to say this to your face, will help me be civil to you going forward.

I will continue to be scared as a woman, especially a lesbian, in Donald Trump's America. You argue that he's just a boaster, that  "Grab them by the pussy"  was just boasting locker-room talk, and we shouldn't be scared of the man who said it, or the straight men who voted for the man who said it? Locker-room talk is what men's atttitudes ARE - and you just told me that you think that kind of talk is OK. If someone said "Grab Rivka by the pussy", you'd be angry that they said that about your daughter. If someone said that about my sister or my mother, you would verge on violent. But you think it's OK, nonetheless, for him to say it about my friends - not about me, he'd just call me "an uggo" and "a pig". Should I need to rely on being fat to feel safe from sexual assault? or on belonging, in some way, to some man? Apparently, you think I should. You think it's OK to turn women into objects unless they're your women, and I will never trust you to keep anyone safe from assault again. I will never trust, as I have for most of my life, that you actually believe in equality. You have broken my trust in you, and you cannot repair it. You are now one of the men I cannot commend to my friends as an ally or a safe haven.

Fuck you for that. Fuck you for not being the man you have always promised you were, for being one of the men I cannot discount as a silent assenter to date rape, marital rape, threat rape, domestic violence or random lower-level sexual assaults. For being a man I can no longer say with confidence would never in his life have done any of those things. Fuck you for promising me that I could one day walk the streets safely after dark and then working against it because you don't see people when you look at women you don't know.

And fuck you for deceiving me for 37 years into thinking I could rely on you in this one area, at least.

You are not my friend, you are not my champion, and you are not - and have never really been - my ally.


This week's dinner

So, last week's breakfast didn't happen.

-Celery Root Mash
--cubed celery root
--chicken broth
--:::put celery root on bottom of crockpot and pour in broth until root cubes are halfway covered. cook on low for 7 hours. Mash with milk and butter
-Slow-Roasted Cornish Hen with Sage and Onion Butter Sauce
--cornish hen
--fresh sage
--celery leaves
--garlic juice
--Sage and onion butter sauce
---:::melt butter and whisk in flour to form a very thin white roux. mince onion and sage and add to butter. Let poach in double boiler over medium heat until onions are soften. Blend together.
--:::salt and pepper hen inside and out. mince onion, sage, and celery leaves and place in hen's cavity.  spritz expterior of hen with garlic juice. Put on top of celery root (above) and cook on low for 7 hours. Extract major cuts and put on platter, drizzle with newly blended butter sauce. Serve immediately
-Roasted Brussels Sprouts
--brussels sprouts
--:::halve brussels sprouts and toss with oil and spices. roast at 400 until browned
-Blackberry pavlova
--meringue nest
---egg whites
---confectioners sugar
---:::whip egg whites until foamy. add vanilla and whip until soft peaks form. Add sugar slowly while whipping until stiff peaks form. Pipe onto silpat in nest shapes. Place in 400 degree oven, lower to 250 at once, and let cook until set. Cool
--macerated blackberries
---red vinegar
---fresh sage
---:::ribbon fresh sage and mix with vinegar and honey. mix with blackberries and let sit 30 minutes. Drain and refrigerate
--:::just before serving, place blackberries into cooled nests. Garnish with fresh sage.

This week's dinner - very '50s

-Stuffed mini peppers
--mini sweet peppers
--minced lion's mane mushrooms
--mince chives
--grated cheese
--oat bran
--whisked egg
--:::slice mini peppers in half. mix all other ingredients to form stiff stuffing. load into pepper halves and sprinkle with more grated cheese. Bake until solid.
-Pot Roast
--rump roast
--blatantly gahaarlic salt mix (from Auntie Arwen's line of spice mixes)
--::mix flour and spices pat firmly onto roast. place in crockpot on slight elevation made of tinfoil or veg and add 1/2 cup broth. Cook on low 8 hours.
-Steamed Artichokes with fresh butter
--:::cut artichokes in half, trim, and remove chokes. steam until you cannot lift by the leaves because they come off. mix salt into cream and churn until butter.
-broth bread
--:::proof yeast in water. mix into flour and add savory. knead, adding broth as necessary, until smooth and springy. Let rise until double in size, paint with milk, and bake until it sounds hollow when tapped.
-Balsamic Ginger Cheesecake Mousse
--fresh grated ginger
--cream cheese
--balsamic nectar
--:::cream cream cheese, and sugar. whip cream with vanilla and grated ginger until peaks form. mix together and refrigerate. Serve cold with balsamic vinegar or chocolate shavings as  garnish.

-Coddled Eggs
--:::grease coddlers and break eggs into them. add minced chives, splash cream, and pepper. close coddlers and boil until soft-set.
-Cheesy Oat Bran
--oat bran
--:::mix together in small crockpot. cook overnight on warm.
-Pepper slaw
--mini sweet peppers
--very little oil
--:::julienne de-seeded mini peppers. mix all ingredients and let marinate overnight.

This week's dinner

Last week, I wound up using my premade roasted garlic pasta instead of the herbs de provence fresh pasta since my roller broke. I was going to go with a South American theme for tonight, but I've decided to go French instead.

-Pates de Provence, AKA Fresh Herbs de Provence pasta (dough left over from last week, since my roller broke.)
--3 egg yolks
--2 eggs
--Herbs de province oil
--:::knead together until firm but not stiff. run through pasta extruder and boil in oiled and salted water
-Coeur de Boeuf AKA Beef Heart
--Fresh cracked pepper
--Beef heart
--:::sprinkle steak with salt and pepper. grill until rare. Let rest 30 seconds. Slice and serve with lovage sauce
-Sauce Liveche AKA lovage sauce
--lovage leaves (fresh from my grandfather's garden)
--3-4 shiso leaves
--half a bunch of parsley
--2-3 spritzes garlic juice
--oil as needed, as little as possible.
--:::blend greens until slightly chunky but at the liquidity level of a good primavera sauce. add oil only if and how needed
-Radis Grilles AKA roasted radishes
--french breakfast radishes (may sub out standard cherry belles)
--Herbs de provence oil
--garlic juice 9maybe)
--:::toss washed radishes in oil and salt. Roast at 400 for 20 minutes

Dessert (two possibilities)
--Whipped Cream
---:::whip together until thick
--Grated chocolate
--:spoon whipped cream into bowl. grate chocolate over top
-Chocolate Souffle (need to make batter at lunch)
--chocolate chips
--egg yolks
--powdered sugar
--cocoa powder
--egg whites
--vanilla extract
--lime juice
:::melt chocolate with liqueur. beat egg yolks with sugar until fluffy. slowly incorporate beaten egg yolks and melted chocolate. Whip egg whites with lime juice until soft peaks form. Add powdered sugar and cacao pwder. whip until stiff peaks form. Fold into chcolate mixture. Grease ramekins and dust with cocoa powder, then  add batter to ramekins. Freeze batter for  3 hours. Bake at 400 degrees for 15 minutes. Serve right away.

--leftover heart
--grated cheddar
--matzah farfel
--:::dice onion and heart very small. Sautee in ghee with salt. beat eggs with a bout a half teaspoon of cream for every 2 eggs. ribbon the watercress and lovage and  mix with sauteed mixture, eggs, and cheddar. place matzah farfel at bottom of greased baking dish and pour egg mixture over it. Bake at 350 until set.
-Radish leaf salad
--radish leaves
--diced mushrooms
--:::toss together

This week's dinner

This week will be relatively minor in terms of prep this evening due to doing some prep last night, but I may be doing breakfast as well. If I am, I may prep  ingredients just before bed for the pancakes and wilted greens.

-caviar toast points (I'm having salt cravings. With my low blood pressure issues, it's not wise to ignore those.)
--Melba toast
--Clotted cream
--:::(still need to buy all ingredients at TJs - scheduled for over lunch. Will probalby be about 5 bucks) Spread clotted cream on toast. top with caviar
-Fresh Herbs de Provence pasta (currently hydrating in fridge)
--3 egg yolks
--2 eggs
--Herbs de province oil
--:::knead together until firm but not stiff. Roll out. cut into strips. Boil briefly.
-Avocado Basil Sauce
--1 ripe avocado
--1 bunch fresh basil
--.5 tsp lime juice
--1 tbl cream
--1 tsp Herbs de Provence oil
--:::blend together and toss with pasta
-Flatiron Steak Au Thym
--Dried thyme
--Fresh cracked pepper
--Flatiron steak
--:::crust steak in spice mixture. grill 1 minute each side. Let rest 30 seconds. Slice and serve over sauced pasta
-Cranberry Meringue Upside-down cake
--Meringue base (currently on second bake)
---egg whites
---powdered sugar
---lime extract
---:::whip together until shiny and stiff peaks form. Bake at 400 for 10 minutes. turn off oven and go to bed. Bake at 180 for 4 hours.
--Cranberry curd (chilling in fridge)
---Cranbery juice concentrate
---ginger powder
---3 egg yolks
---1 egg
---1.5 sticks store-bought butter
---:::simmer together, whisking every minute, until it gels when dropped onto a cold surface. Jar.
--Chocolate Chip Egg-white Cake (baked and on counter)
---egg whites
---powdered sugar
---lime juice
---mini chocolate chips
---:::mix until at cake batter consistency. Bake at 400 for 10 minutes.
:::spoon curd onto meringue base. Top with cake. Serve.

-oat bran pancakes
--oat bran flour
--1 egg
--1/2 cup milk
--pinch salt
--1 tsp baking soda
--2 tsp cream of tartar
:::whisk ingredients together to form a thick batter. heat frying pan to sizzle point. grease. pour in spoonfulls of batter. flip when nearly solid, let sit 10 seconds, and serve.
-Coddled Eggs
--2 eggs, yolks unbroken
--tbl cream
--grated cheese (one of the samples from fridge)
:::Grease coddlers.Pour all ingredients into coddlers and close coddlers tightly. Place in boiling water for 3 minutes. Serve with toast.
-Wilted Greens
--2 cups tender green (spinach?)
--1/2 onion, chopped
:::sweat onions in schmaltz until translucent. Toss greens in pan until just wilted. Serve immediately.
-honey and this week's butter for pancakes.

Last week's dinner:

Man, I am getting sloppy about logging these!

So, the 19th there was no meal that I prepared - I was in Denver for my father's birthday, and Kerry was in Boise.

Last week I was unwell  (pain on nausea-inducing levels from a headache. that hasn't happened in quite a while), so I did a really easy dinner with no dessert.
-Cheddar Tomato Bread
--shredded cheddar
--tomato bread dough from pre-made freezer stash
:::knead shreadded cheese into dough. Let rise. Top with cheese and bake.
--TJ's Cioppino
--Sprouts seafood mix
--about 3 oz squid "flowers" from H-mart
--primavera sauce from pre-made freezer stash
:::simmer together

That's it. The cheddar bread worked really well, and the lovage was brought out and lost a lot of its bitterness, as it usually does in the presence of animal fat, so iImay do something like that again. I also need to remember that adding water-based ingredients shortly before rising and baking can give wonderful lift.